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Letter To My Demon


Dear Alcohol,

I remember the night we first met. New Year’s Eve several years ago. I was home alone with no plans for celebrating. So I decided to, for the very first time in my life, at the age of 20, to go down to your house, nay, your mansion, and purchase you! You were sitting among all of your friends, your friends of all different shapes and sizes and colours, you’re a tolerant thing you are, you don’t discriminate at all, do you. I must say that your friends were all quite alluring, but you, madame, were the one who caught my eyes most. Your name was….Cointreau. I thought to myself, “Ooh, I’m going to spend the evening with a beautiful, sweet Frenchwoman”.

I took you home, and made a nice place for you on the table. I slowly took your top off, and proceeded to taste you. It was love at first sip. The moment I ingested you, I knew this was true love. From that first drink, I knew I wanted to see you again soon, I wanted to be with you forever. We spent that New Year’s together, just you and me, best night of my life up until that point.

Fast forward to today – you’re a bitch! A cruel obsessive, possessive one at that! You’re always there, and I don’t like it. I’m done with you as far as I’m concerned. But you keep showing up, and I reluctantly embrace you every time. It doesn’t feel good anymore, it feels wrong and unhealthy.

I hate you, but still, I shake when you’re not there, I feel sick without you, and that keeps me coming back to you, you make me feel physically normal, but mentally deranged! You’re the type of woman my father warned me about – “you gotta watch out for the overly clingy girls, they’ll end up doing you in, son”.

I want you out of my life. I never want to see you again. I will wean myself off of your affections slowly but surely. In the hopes that I don’t get too lovesick, and that you will slowly realize that we’re not right for each other anymore.

It was a wild, whirlwind affair, full of highs and lows. The highs we had in the first couple of years together I will never forget, and will always cherish. But, for the past few years, you’ve been nothing but a drain on my life, a damaging demonic force who seems hellbent on killing me slowly.

Be gone vile cunt!

Sincerely Goat.





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