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Clubbing! (dark poem)

(A piece of satire about the absurdity of the whole clubbing scene, with a strange twist that I would welcome to any of these clubs – they’re all so unoriginal, do something different!)

.

It’s a saturday night,

home alone, I’m bored.

What shall I do?

I will go to town alright!

.

I drive into the neon wasteland,

the sights and sounds are hurting my ears and eyes!

But I will overcome, I will get laid!

I park up in the cheapest spot, hope no chicks saw me!

.

I strut on into the bounciest place in town,

A red lit building called ‘Jizz Loan’.

I pay the bouncer like I’m hot shit,

I get a 10 dollar vodka in a glass!

.

I stand around for a while,

checking out the talent!

By talent I mean, chicks! Ya dig?

One hot piece of ass comes up to me.

.

She says to me “You look lost”.

“Let me show you round the place”.

She takes me by the hand,

the wet hand I just pissed with!

.

She’s got my DNA on her now,

surely she’ll go to bed with me?

She’s not revulsed by my urine particles,

“She’s a keeper”, I mutter childishly.

.

She shows me the ‘back room’.

“This is where the FUCKEN SHIT goes down’

She says with menacing doom!

“Let’s get down to business, Sir”

.

I get down on my knees, for reasons unknown.

She tells me to bark like a dog,

for reasons even more unknown,

I get locked into an ‘all-fours’ harness!

.

“What is this place?”

I scream in agony.

“You’ve entered Jizz Loan”.

Now we ask you to do same!

.

I am milked.

They milked me.

My willy was bone dry at the end,

She sniggered at my wilted penis,

I sniggered because I blew the mother of all loads!

.

“Now, please enjoy our amenities at your pleasure”

“More pleasure than THAT!?”

I said.

Silently, she left.

.

I swaggered out into the dancefloor,

with the boldest confidence I’ve ever known!

Indeed I did meet a chick,

And boy oh boy did I get laid, in a way!

.

I stagger home, drunk on one vodka and a penile enlightenment!

My cat welcomes me at the door, feline delight, nothing like it!

I will never forget my CLUBBING experience,

Thank you ‘Jizz Loan’, unending thanks!

.

(that was weird, sorry) 🙂

.

 

 

 

 

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