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Sobriety Plans…

  1. First of all, stop drinking. For one week at least. From then we continue.
  2. Start to realize that I’m a fucking adult, and that I need to start living like one, rather than like a spoiled, impulsive teen.
  3. Get my physical health in order. Go hiking at the National Park 5 minutes away from my house – very difficult trails, and kangaroos galore (they’re lovely animals, they’re not violent in the least, you can walk up to them and feed them, as long as it’s not a 7 foot 5 tall Alpha male, those bastards will kick you so hard your guts fall out!).
  4. Start writing the first draft of my standup bit.
  5. Hand in resumes to small shops.
  6. Save enough money to feel somewhat safe in this world.
  7. Find a nice gal, serenade her.
  8. Upgrade my computer so that I can play the best, latest games out there.
  9. Think about finally moving out of my parents’ house. I’m in love with the idea of renting a small apartment in the centre of the city.
  10. Take a tour of the Pacific islands that saw combat in WW2, also visit Normandy beach in France and whatnot.
  11. Help other people stop drinking.
  12. Go on Kickstarter.com and pitch my idea for a small, intimate comedy club to be built in or near Adelaide – a dream of mine!
  13. Impregnate said gal, raise a child. I’d prefer a daughter actually, because little girls LOVE their daddies, don’t they. I’d like to be adored like that for once! haha
  14. If I have enough money at this point, I think I’d buy a red-bricked house in Brooklyn.
  15. If at this point, WW3 breaks out, I reckon I’d be about 30 years old. Not too old to be taking the fight to ISIS or whatever Hitler-like nation is out there at the time. I’d fucking fight!
  16. Invent something that changes the world! Preferably something like the internet – Tim Berners Lee who invented the internet was offered literally TRILLIONS of dollars by the US government for his hypertext invention – but he turned it down, he said, “This is for everyone”. What a guy.
  17. Learn the computer coding skills to finally create the perfect video game! I’m thinking of using Google Maps, then mapping out the WHOLE WORLD into a game, then you can do whatever you like in that game – you could be a cop, a butcher, a soldier, a salesman, anything at all! I’d call it “Life 2.0”.
  18. Then…………then I’d sit back and enjoy an easy life.

Too much to ask for? Yeah, possibly. But a boy can dream right!?

Goodnight, comrades!



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