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We Board the Sober Train Once More!

I’m drinking right now, about 250mls of vodka by my expert reckoning. Not nearly enough to get me drunk, but enough to make my face a bit flushed and a tad more relaxed. It’s all I have left after drinking 750mls last night.

But, tomorrow I AM NOT BUYING ANOTHER BOTTLE! I AM NOT! I can’t say that I will never drink again (although that’ll have to be the case in the future), but I am adamant that I am going to take as lengthy a break from it as possible, I really must. My wallet, my energy levels and my skin will thank me later.

So, tomorrow, I have rather a lot of things to do – most of which revolve around my alcoholism.

  1. I will wake up, after not sleeping well at all no doubt. But, I kind of like the feeling of being really tired, does anyone else have this?
  2. I will drink the strongest cup of coffee from the coffee machine I got for my birthday!
  3. I will shower, and scrape off the flaky shitty skin from my awful unhygienic face.
  4. Then, I’ll gather up all the empty vodka bottles from my house and my car, then I’ll take them down to the recycling depot in exchange for 10 cents a bottle – a couple of bucks worth I imagine.
  5. Then, I’ll go down to the beautiful Aussie beach two minutes from my house, to reassess my life…….and to look at the beautiful………….scenery……….scenery in bikini (creeper rhymes ftw).
  6. After that, I think I’ll go around to a few small shops and hand in my resume and introduce my fine, charming self. I need a new job, or at least a second job.
  7.  I will return home.
  8. I will not buy a bottle of Stefanov vodka on the way home, not an option.
  9. I will settle down with some green tea and lemon (with blueberry infused water instead of normal water, DELICIOUS, really try it!) and play some video games, and watch some Youtube videos about various Star Wars theories (I mean, who are Rey’s parents? I think it’s likely to be Luke Skywalker, but maybe not? Maybe Obi-Wan’s granddaughter? I’d love if that was the case!) then I’ll storm the beaches of Normandy in an online video game called Project Reality WW2 until we Americans finally manage to break through the German defenses! No one has actually broken through the Omaha Beach level as the Americans in this game, that’s how brutal it is!
  10. Then I’ll go to bed sober, probably won’t sleep very well even though I’m exhausted from not sleeping the night before, but that’s a common alcoholic thing. Eventually you’re so tired you just crash, and sleeps seems to come more easily after that.

Good day to you people, it was Australia Day today (a day where we celebrate the initial landings of the British Colonies to our beautiful land). I actually hate Australia Day for two reasons;

  1. The Aboriginal population was almost ENTIRELY DECIMATED by the British in a very short period of time – if you thought the Native Americans had it tough, the Aboriginals had it WAYYYY worse! (I’m not Aboriginal, but I love them, they’re literally the funniest, nicest people on Earth, they’re comedically funny!)
  2. And, because most people my age just spend the day getting drunk and talking unintelligent shite around a barbecue full of meat that is probably more intelligent than they are for fuck’s sake! I hate people my age. Yes, I do have a bit of a superiority complex…….I think justified though *winks charmingly*




6 thoughts on “We Board the Sober Train Once More!

  1. Hard battle.

    Posted by Thumbup | January 26, 2016, 6:39 pm
  2. I predict great things for you sarcastic goat. I’m not being sarcastic.

    Posted by futurepilgrim | January 26, 2016, 7:32 pm

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