Hi all, first post;
I’m 23 years old, and I’ve been drinking almost every night (never during the day) for, I can’t remember exactly, but maybe about 3 and a half years.
This is the process;
1. Monday – Buy a bottle of vodka, drink 3 quarters of it that night, then drink the remaining quarter on the Tuesday night.
2. Wednesday – buy a bottle of vodka – repeat previous scenario.
3. Friday – repeat previousness again!
4. Sunday – AGAIN I DO THE PREVIOUSNESS!
The thing is – for the first two or three years of this drinking pattern, I would drink a lot, but I’d always stay conscious and I’d really enjoy myself, but for the past year or so I’ve been blacking out every single time I drink the 3 quarters of vodka. It’s got to the point that I can’t drink without blacking out, and I’ve really tried to control myself, but it’s not possible.
My first blackout was, I think, about 2 years ago. My parents were away for the weekend, and I drank an entire bottle of delicious Grant’s Whisky in what must have been about 3 hours. I woke up the next day with my cigarettes strewn all over the carpet and a shattered wine glass glistening in the afternoon sun just under the bar are of our house……..yes we have a bar area (not helpful). This first blackout experience scared me so much that I convinced myself that I would stop drinking for quite a while…….but one week later I was drinking again.
From that point onwards, I’ve not been able to stop drinking for any longer than 5 days here and there. I really think it’s something out of my control….once I start getting drunk, it;s over, it’s total blackout town from there on in!
Another thing – I’ve never had any of the typical withdrawal symptoms, shaking hands, vomiting etc. This is definitely one thing that has made it harder to stop, because I’ve never had to hide my symptoms from people etc.
Some more things – the amount of bottles I have to hide and get rid of on a monthly basis is exhausting, and the fact that the guys who work at the liquor store know what bottle of vodka I want off by heart every time I come in, daily, is embarrassing and sad!
I already know that I have a serious problem with alcohol, but I still don’t believe that alcoholism is a ‘disease’, I think it’s a habit that one gets into, and very very hard to break out of (‘Rat Park Experiment’ for my evidence)! Several members of my family have died from alcohol-related illness, my two sisters don’t drink at all, and my brother drinks spasmodically to a small degree, so I guess my genes just chose me to be the unlucky alcoholic child!
I also don’t enjoy alcohol like I used to I used to drink a lot and feel amazing! But now, when I drink, I just feel sluggish and tired and kind of awful. It’s like my body has gotten everything out of booze it ever could have, so now it’s just acting as the poison it truly is, making me feel awful, you know!?
Please tell me that there are other people out with somewhat similar experiences?