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My Workout Routine! (not for everyone)


Wake up –

This is the first thing I do, as you can imagine. But I do it a little bit differently. I sleep strapped upside down a few metres above a tank of great white sharks, I have rather a large house, yes. I have to unstrap myself and climb my way up over the bed platform and jump off the side to a safe piece of ground where there aren’t sharks! Instant blood-pumper to start off the day. Oh, and also, as soon as I approach the top of my stairs, a giant boulder rolls out of the attic and comes rolling after me Indiana Jones style, so as you can imagine, I really have to scoot downstairs rather quickly!

Midday – 

After I’ve eaten a lunch of lots and lots of red meat, some of it raw (but still safe to eat, I’m not an animal), I run around the canyons for cardio, but the genius thing about this part of the workout is this; I’m covered in meat-juice from lunch, and there are cougars and mountains lions around the canyons! Just running around the canyons is brilliant on its own if you want some cardio work done, BUT, if you eat a bowl of meat for lunch, AND you’re lucky enough to have a mountain lion start chasing you, then things get amped up to a level that I frankly enjoy. Vast amounts of hiking and rock climbing and tree climbing will be incorporated into your cardio if you’ve got some vicious cats after your ass, I’ve found!

Nighttime – 

Nighttime workouts are arguable. Some don’t like to do it, some do, I’m of the ones who do! You want something nice and light at nighttime, nothing too physically demanding. Here’s what I do; I order bags of cement and huge buckets of paint off of eBay, then I pick them up and throw them at a big blank wall I have in my very seldom visited house. I workout my shoulders, back and legs AND in the process, I create works of art as good as any modern artist has fucking managed to make!

That’s it, as I said, not for everyone.

Peace out.



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September 2015
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