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My Mother the Alcoholic?

alcoholic woman drinking spirits from bottle

Just tonight, my dear mother, drank about seven or eight glasses of white wine. She’s a skinny, frail, but otherwise healthy woman, so seven glasses is enough to get her totally fucked up.

She sat in her chair at the lounge room table swaying back and forth, occassionally yelling things, talking to herself, saying some really awful things about my father and me as well (quite awkward given that I was sitting at the computer in the same room as her, my dad had gone to bed hours before this)(I actually don’t take it personally, but perhaps I should, seeing as alcohol brings out the true feelings because of the lack of inhibitions that alcohol brings out?) I must confess also…….I drank the remaining few glasses of wine she had left in her big cask in the fridge, so I did technically start drinking again I suppose, although I did it out of concern and heartbreak – – I couldn’t bear to see her if she’d drank those few glasses of wine, she might’ve choked on her vomit or something. And I HATE wine, so it really was a sacrifice for the greater good.

The thing is, she has to work tomorrow morning. Yet, she still drank enough tonight to be rendered completely blitzed by booze. This, to me, signals a real problem.

She doesn’t do this often at all though. Maybe once every few months she’ll do this. Although, in the past few months, she’s been doing this more frequently, she did the same thing last Thursday night, for example.

We all know that alcoholic drinking habits are a signal that the person is dealing with some real emotional problems. But I can’t figure out what her problems are. She has three healthy and happy children, and three even healthier and happier grandchildren. She gave up smoking years ago, never relapsed at all. She has a nice house, a nice car, all the things that would make a person so so happy.

As much as it pains me to think about it, I have a suspicion that she may have been sexually abused as a child. She went to an incredibly strict Catholic school in the north of England, and she’s told us about how the awful Nuns would make her eat raw onions because she didn’t like onions and always left them on her plate at dinner time. The northern English city (Leeds) she grew up in was a VERY rough, dangerous place to be in the 60’s and 70’s. I know she would hang around with some really rough, gangster type people in her teenage years, she’s told us about this too. She also went through what she would only call a “wild period” in her early 20’s. I know nothing else about this, but given her drinking habits, I think she may have experienced some really terrible things during her youth and early 20’s.

Alcoholism runs rampant in my family on both sides. The only people I know who aren’t alcoholics are; my brother, my two sisters, my uncle, my two remaining grandparents, my cousins, and my in-laws. Every remaining family member has either died of alcohol induced damage, or have beaten it, but remain miserable for the rest of their lives! Our family must have the world record for alcoholism, I’d say! 😀 It’s become clear to me that I had no real choice in the matter, I simply must have become an alcoholic by law of averages. But, I’m the only family member of the second newest generation to have this problem, so it’s up to me to get rid of the problem, if I don’t, I’ll pass it on to my eventual kids, and I don’t want that!

I don’t know. But what I do know, is that people don’t drink until they blackout if they’ve got no demons at all in their past. I drink because I’m lonely, depressed, socially anxious and friendless.

How do I broach the subject with my mother? Confronting alcoholics about their drinking can actually worsen things. And I don’t want to do that. How should I go about this? Maybe an old fashioned intervention with the whole family around in a room, or just a deep, meaningful one-on-one talk?

Troubling times.

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Discussion

21 thoughts on “My Mother the Alcoholic?

  1. I can practically guarantee that if you approach this subject with your mom, you’ll get stuck in a “pot-kettle” kind of situation and it’ll just be a huge mess of hurt feelings for everyone.

    Maybe get another family member to do it?

    Posted by youretheworst | August 6, 2015, 5:34 pm
  2. She probably won’t tell if you ask her.. Maybe ask her if she’s alright in a casual yet concerned way? I don’t know, I don’t really know how to handle people who drink.. it’s not really in my family as far as I can tell. 😦

    Posted by miusho | August 6, 2015, 5:47 pm
  3. A most difficult situation. I have a very similar problem with a close family member. I am at a complete loss as to what the correct thing to do would be. Sending you positive thoughts. G-uno

    Posted by idioglossiablog | August 6, 2015, 7:28 pm
  4. As a person in recovery, I just wanted to congradulate you on the speed and agility with which you were able to rationalize drinking the last of the wine. Truly admirable, from one drunk to another.

    Posted by abbiegrrl | August 6, 2015, 9:10 pm
  5. They do say that genetics plays a part, not all the part but it does play a part. You you drank because of being depressed and friendless, same happened to me. I got out of the army with quite some demons I guess, and actually it was me who withdrew from friends, I didn´t have support from my family at the time,now that part has changed and probably has saved my life. Anyways so I found myself blowing off all the money I had saved while in the army, then I became a cool homeless drunk, which lead to cool jail time, and the “friends” in that world, well you can guess what type of people you encounter, always having to be on your toes, except when I drank myself to the point of passing out.

    There is a saying by the great Albert the Einstein that I do live by ” If you want to live a happy life tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” That´s one motto I live by, there´s others but I don´t want to bore you.

    Stay Frosty my man.

    Posted by charlypriest | August 7, 2015, 9:28 am
    • I’m just confused about the whole never drinking again thing,
      I’d like to think that some kind of behavioural therapy might get me drinking like a normal person.
      But it seems that the overwhelming evidence is; if you develop a drinking problem, you can never drink again, because you’ll always end up drinking way too much on the regular eventually.
      Oh well, I’m kind of content with the fact I may never be able to drink again.
      People with diabetes can’t drink, they get along just fine.
      Some people are allergic to alcohol, they can’t ever drink, they do fine as well.
      It’s such a bastard drug! lol

      Posted by sarcasticgoat | August 7, 2015, 11:17 am
      • Tell be about it if it´s a bastard drug, pretty much ruined my life. So for me, no drink at all, not a sip nor one beer because I know that one means 1000 until I go to sleep. Plus my pancreas and liver are so fucked up that they are a reminder that my life expectancy is not too long and if I keep drinking the prospects of it, if they are already low they´ll get lower.

        Posted by charlypriest | August 11, 2015, 12:51 pm
      • Ain’t that the truth! 🙂

        Posted by sarcasticgoat | August 11, 2015, 2:47 pm
  6. You know when you’re in an airplane and the flight attendant is doing the demonstrations about what to do in the event of a water emergency and then they say: should the air pressure drop, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling- mother’s with children, please secure the mask over your OWN FACE then help your child. See? Put your O2 mask on FIRST, then see if you can rescue someone else. Deal with your own problems instead of getting distracted with your mom. You can’t help her if her drinking is triggering you (um, dump it??) you’ll both end up sloppy messes yelling at each other.
    RE: ever drinking again– maybe you can’t, maybe you can (you’re young). Either way it’s not really something to aspire to, it’s just booze, man. Not that great.

    Posted by suburbanbetty | August 8, 2015, 4:29 pm
    • I very much appreciate the helpful words.
      But I’ve always been a soppy empathetic mess, although I never show it.
      I can’t just stand back and let my mum drink herself into the liver-failure death that her two parents died of.
      I’d actually like to see her get clean and rid of booze before I do.
      I should probably tell her how much I care about her one of these days! lol, I’m a jerk!
      Thanks again 😉

      Posted by sarcasticgoat | August 8, 2015, 4:41 pm
      • Yes, I see, and it’s great that you care about her, but now you’re coming up with a reason not to stop drinking- so you can help you help your mom. And that’s not going to help either of you. Being a sloppy empathetic mess isn’t going to help. All I’m saying is take care of yourself first, then try to help your mom. She might not want your help, she might not let you help her, but you can try. And for crying out loud, please tell your mom you care about her!! 🙂

        Posted by suburbanbetty | August 8, 2015, 5:00 pm
      • You do have a point. This disease affects all people in the same way, and I did feel really hypocritical getting angry with my drunk mum, while I’d get drunk after she’d go to sleep.
        What a bitch this alcohol is, eh? DAMN! lol

        Posted by sarcasticgoat | August 8, 2015, 5:06 pm
      • You said it! It’s the Devil’s Saliva!!

        Posted by suburbanbetty | August 8, 2015, 6:17 pm

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