Just tonight, my dear mother, drank about seven or eight glasses of white wine. She’s a skinny, frail, but otherwise healthy woman, so seven glasses is enough to get her totally fucked up.
She sat in her chair at the lounge room table swaying back and forth, occassionally yelling things, talking to herself, saying some really awful things about my father and me as well (quite awkward given that I was sitting at the computer in the same room as her, my dad had gone to bed hours before this)(I actually don’t take it personally, but perhaps I should, seeing as alcohol brings out the true feelings because of the lack of inhibitions that alcohol brings out?) I must confess also…….I drank the remaining few glasses of wine she had left in her big cask in the fridge, so I did technically start drinking again I suppose, although I did it out of concern and heartbreak – – I couldn’t bear to see her if she’d drank those few glasses of wine, she might’ve choked on her vomit or something. And I HATE wine, so it really was a sacrifice for the greater good.
The thing is, she has to work tomorrow morning. Yet, she still drank enough tonight to be rendered completely blitzed by booze. This, to me, signals a real problem.
She doesn’t do this often at all though. Maybe once every few months she’ll do this. Although, in the past few months, she’s been doing this more frequently, she did the same thing last Thursday night, for example.
We all know that alcoholic drinking habits are a signal that the person is dealing with some real emotional problems. But I can’t figure out what her problems are. She has three healthy and happy children, and three even healthier and happier grandchildren. She gave up smoking years ago, never relapsed at all. She has a nice house, a nice car, all the things that would make a person so so happy.
As much as it pains me to think about it, I have a suspicion that she may have been sexually abused as a child. She went to an incredibly strict Catholic school in the north of England, and she’s told us about how the awful Nuns would make her eat raw onions because she didn’t like onions and always left them on her plate at dinner time. The northern English city (Leeds) she grew up in was a VERY rough, dangerous place to be in the 60’s and 70’s. I know she would hang around with some really rough, gangster type people in her teenage years, she’s told us about this too. She also went through what she would only call a “wild period” in her early 20’s. I know nothing else about this, but given her drinking habits, I think she may have experienced some really terrible things during her youth and early 20’s.
Alcoholism runs rampant in my family on both sides. The only people I know who aren’t alcoholics are; my brother, my two sisters, my uncle, my two remaining grandparents, my cousins, and my in-laws. Every remaining family member has either died of alcohol induced damage, or have beaten it, but remain miserable for the rest of their lives! Our family must have the world record for alcoholism, I’d say! 😀 It’s become clear to me that I had no real choice in the matter, I simply must have become an alcoholic by law of averages. But, I’m the only family member of the second newest generation to have this problem, so it’s up to me to get rid of the problem, if I don’t, I’ll pass it on to my eventual kids, and I don’t want that!
I don’t know. But what I do know, is that people don’t drink until they blackout if they’ve got no demons at all in their past. I drink because I’m lonely, depressed, socially anxious and friendless.
How do I broach the subject with my mother? Confronting alcoholics about their drinking can actually worsen things. And I don’t want to do that. How should I go about this? Maybe an old fashioned intervention with the whole family around in a room, or just a deep, meaningful one-on-one talk?