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Booze Returns

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I drank last night. After nearly 85 days sober. No reason really. I was sober, feeling great, I was sleeping properly, which I loved more than anything! That first week of going sober, I couldn’t sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time, HELL! But then, after about 9 days, I was sleeping normally again, something I embraced with open arms!

I’m not sure why I stopped by the shop to buy some vodka, but I did. I was actually happy with my bank account for the first time in ages! My self-esteem was quite good too. I had several employers asking to see me for job interviews etc. Everything was going great!

Classic mistake I suppose. I thought I could drink and control myself. But no, I drank about 500mls of vodka in the space of 2 and a half hours, fucking blackout ensued, not that I remember anything – – I probably shouted at a plant and punched a lampshade because I thought it was shit-talking me!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the subject of addiction. I’ve heard quite a few medical professionals talk about how addiction, in the way the think about it, doesn’t actually exist, rather, it’s all a behavioral problem – it’s simple; you have to drink often enough to become accustomed to the habit, it takes roughly 21 days for any habit to become ingrained in us. And I drank for a lot longer than 21 days consecutively. I will certainly agree that drinking, and a drinking problem is habitual, but in my case, I think there’s something more going on than just a habitual problem.

I’m a very in-control type of person. I like to know the details of everything that’s going on around me. I set up boundaries, I plan things, I want to know as much about a situation as I possibly can! But, when it comes to booze, I have no control. I simply guzzle it down until I black out. Strange.

Anyway, I’m doing fine right now. I poured the remaining vodka down the drain as soon as I woke up.

85 days is the longest I’ve stayed off the devil-juice, so it can only get better from here.

Cheers! (maybe the wrong phrase, given it’s beer mug origins, but whatevs!)

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Discussion

6 thoughts on “Booze Returns

  1. Bravo for dumping the hooch! You just hop back up on that temperance wagon, my friend. Git up on that high horse again. 85 days is a looooong time with only one slip. 🙂

    Posted by suburbanbetty | August 3, 2015, 11:51 pm
  2. You did have quite the courage to dump the vodka, for me, once I start I go for long long periods of days waking up early and the first thing I do is have a beer, and is not only a sip once I start I don´t stop until I pass out. Actually being an alcoholic I think it´s a disease and me going to A.A meetings have helped a lot. Maybe not for everyone the A.A thing, but it´s getting me sober for now, been 3 months now sober, I will admit that a joint or two does help in certain situations if I´m in a bar with people and the urge for the drinking comes.

    But as they say here in Spain, Bravo! for you. You did have the fortitude to dump the remaining vodka.

    Posted by charlypriest | August 4, 2015, 12:23 pm

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