I drank last night. After nearly 85 days sober. No reason really. I was sober, feeling great, I was sleeping properly, which I loved more than anything! That first week of going sober, I couldn’t sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time, HELL! But then, after about 9 days, I was sleeping normally again, something I embraced with open arms!
I’m not sure why I stopped by the shop to buy some vodka, but I did. I was actually happy with my bank account for the first time in ages! My self-esteem was quite good too. I had several employers asking to see me for job interviews etc. Everything was going great!
Classic mistake I suppose. I thought I could drink and control myself. But no, I drank about 500mls of vodka in the space of 2 and a half hours, fucking blackout ensued, not that I remember anything – – I probably shouted at a plant and punched a lampshade because I thought it was shit-talking me!
I’ve been thinking a lot about the subject of addiction. I’ve heard quite a few medical professionals talk about how addiction, in the way the think about it, doesn’t actually exist, rather, it’s all a behavioral problem – it’s simple; you have to drink often enough to become accustomed to the habit, it takes roughly 21 days for any habit to become ingrained in us. And I drank for a lot longer than 21 days consecutively. I will certainly agree that drinking, and a drinking problem is habitual, but in my case, I think there’s something more going on than just a habitual problem.
I’m a very in-control type of person. I like to know the details of everything that’s going on around me. I set up boundaries, I plan things, I want to know as much about a situation as I possibly can! But, when it comes to booze, I have no control. I simply guzzle it down until I black out. Strange.
Anyway, I’m doing fine right now. I poured the remaining vodka down the drain as soon as I woke up.
85 days is the longest I’ve stayed off the devil-juice, so it can only get better from here.
Cheers! (maybe the wrong phrase, given it’s beer mug origins, but whatevs!)