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Adam Lallana – Liverpool – Attacking Midfielder – Blessed with a glorious beard. The St. Albans native boy was brought up in the Southampton youth academy (the best youth academy in English football going by the number of superstars they’ve produced). He has sublime touch, amazing passes, tricks and skills to boot! He’s 27 years old, so he might be beyond his prime now, but he’s still one of the most enjoyable players to watch. Much better, in my opinion, than Raheem Sterling, who left Liverpool for Manchester City for a ridiculous sum of money, 50 million pounds to be exact!

Phil Jones – Manchester United – Centre back – Makes funny faces while he defends the Manchester United goal, looks like a muppet a lot of the time. He’s slow, cumbersome in his movements, but his positioning is impeccable. He’ll also literally put his head on the chopping block to stop the ball from going in his goal!

Cesar Azpilicueta – Chelsea – Left Back – Chelsea’s best defender, I dare say. He doesn’t attack very well for a modern full back, but he defends better than the rest of the Chelsea back four. He’s the Spanish cog in the smooth gears of the transmission called Chelsea!

Yannick Bolasie – Crystal Palace – Midfielder – A truly monstrous player. He plays almost as if he doesn’t know exactly where he should be playing on the field. He pops up everywhere on the pitch with boundless energy. His kicking technique is weird as well, he kicks the ball like it’s possessed by the Devil and he wants it to go away fast! Luckily for Crystal Palace, he scores quite a few goals and gets loads of assists!

Radamel Falcao – Chelsea – Striker – He’s spent the last season at Manchester United, where he fucking sucked to be honest! But now he’s at Chelsea, alongside his old striker partner, Diego Costa. Three years ago, Falcao and Costa were the most feared striker duo in Europe, they tore teams to shreds as them and their team at the time, Atletico Madrid, also tore through Europe. Hopefully Falcao can get back into some form, because he was once called ‘the greatest striker on Earth’.



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July 2015
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