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Australian School Reform (Satire)

A little piece of humorous satire about the growing insanity of the Australian Government. Enjoy.


School Principal – – “Good evening ladles and jellyspoons, *laughs*, sorry, couldn’t resist seeing as we’re having this very important faculty meeting in the cafeteria. I promise the auditorium will be available to use once the bloodstains and entrails are cleaned off the ceiling, still a mystery as to how those things ended up there.

Anyway, we’ve been tasked, here at Lord Fack McGillicutty School, to enact some federal laws involving some significant changes in regards to how our school and every other school in the country is to be run.

As you all know, the new government of Australia, led by a certain Mr. Timmy Dolt, has forced through legislation based around a radical change of school rules and guidelines, and I don’t mean radical in the way that the cool kids of this very school use it, I mean radical as in……..utterly and categorically fucked up!”

Guideline 1 – School uniforms are to be abandoned totally. Students will have complete freedom to dress however they like, and in doing so, they shall show their unique individuality. Note – exemptions may need to be made for students who prove to be too unique, those that shave their heads and wear Nazi outfits etc.

Guideline 2 – The welding classes will be abandoned totally also. It’s just plain dangerous. Even under the strictest of tutelage and supervision, it still remains far too dangerous. Those handheld things with spears of fire coming out of them found in welding classes, can reach temperatures of up to 118 degrees! With global warming threatening all of us in this country, we simply cannot afford to have handheld fire-spears used in an unnecessary fashion.

Guideline 3 – A new class will be introduced. It’s called Political Correctness Studies. It shall be a course 6 months long. Focusing solely on studying various ways to optimize students’ abilities to NOT insult anyone anywhere. Any students who are discovered not taking the class seriously, shall be taunted and bullied into taking it seriously, this stuff is very serious nowadays, students MUST take it seriously……especially the ones that aren’t very bright!

Guideline 4 – The school canteen/cafeteria will now only serve Halal foods and drinks. Students who are not Muslim will need to buy their food and drink elsewhere before school or bring food from home.

Guideline 5 – The students are now mandated to have the school’s official Facebook page added to their own friend’s list. No exceptions. The world is a cyber-oriented place now, and we need our students to ALL be connected to the modern world via the internet. Even the school bullies need to be on the school’s official Facebook page too, they’re members of the modern world too!

Guideline 6 – All schools shall be built much larger and grander and shinier in order to become a bigger, more attractive spectacle for the vast numbers of ever-increasing wealthy people flying their planes and helicopters in our beautiful skies.

Guideline 7 Final Guideline – Students found using drugs or alcohol, will be punished severely! Expelling those students is not the answer. Those drug and alcohol-sodden students will be forcibly put into a program of mental and physical rehabilitation involving heavy use of pharmacologically ‘approved’ drugs to help them with their problem!


Education is something I care very much about, the more the better. Nowadays education takes a back seat to other non-issues like climate change denial, political campaigning and blocking scientific progress. Go fuck yourselves, politicians, yes, all of them! Enough of your shite! The people, US!, Know how to govern ourselves perfectly well, we don’t need you anymore…..go away!

Bye. 🙂



4 thoughts on “Australian School Reform (Satire)

  1. Jelly spoons, that’s good.

    Posted by Bumba | July 1, 2015, 11:22 pm

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July 2015
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