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Dealing With Unwanted Conversations

A few humorous ways to get out of those all-too-common unwanted conversations that ALWAYS get thrust upon you (us) by complete surprise, how is it that they always come out of the blue with these? Why can we never spot them coming? Anyway, here’s some ways to totally cut these conversations off at the neck veins! Enjoy.

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Street salesperson“Excuse me Sir, would you be interested in……”

Me“No sorry, can’t talk, I lost my voice-box in a skiing accident”

Salesperson“Oh, sorry.”

.

Religious doorknocker“Hello, we’re here to talk to you about the greatest guy in the world, our Lord, God.”

Me – *smear body in red sauce* *answer door*, “Oh, hello there, are you here for the virgin sacrifice, we’ve already begun without you, sorry, but you can finish her off if you like.”

.

Woman“Hey, I want to see you again. Would you wanna grab some coffee with me, tomorrow about lunch time?”

Me“Fuck off! I’m not some piece of meat, I know EXACTLY what you’ve got in mind, you pig!”

.

Cashier“Will you be paying with cash or credit?”

Me“I’ve already got the fucking cash IN. MY. HAND, cunt! What do you think!?”

.

Idiot friend“Now, I’m not a racist, but……I just think that black people are…..”

Me“Stop talking. You ARE a racist.”

.

Car salesman“We’ve got a lot of great extras for you to purchase with this car if you’d be interested in walking over to my desk.”

Me – *snatch keys off the guy* *drive the car out of the showroom, crash through glass and drive home* “No thanks!”

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Concerned family member “I’m very concerned. We really need to talk about your drinking”

Me“My drinking? Okay, no problem, I’ll have a double vodka with lemonade, cheers!”

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Over-enthusiastic friend“Oh my GOD! You SOOOO have to go skydiving, it’s SOOO good!”

Me“I’d love to. But only if you jump before me, and I get to ‘pack’ your parachute.”

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Sea-loving douche“I’ve got a free booking for this diving thing. Would you want to dive with sharks with me tomorrow.”

Me“Would you like to dive into a pit of fucking death and knives and needles with AIDS on them with me!? No? Exactly.”

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That’s about it, feel free to leave your own suggestions in the comments.

Bye. 😉

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Discussion

4 thoughts on “Dealing With Unwanted Conversations

  1. All this hidden rage.. 😛

    Posted by miusho | May 13, 2015, 7:38 pm
  2. I’m not so sure it would work in real life scenarios..

    Posted by Miss Evelyn | October 19, 2015, 8:21 pm

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