I’ve some fabulous news to tell you. The Flarlee Torks, who took over this Blog a few days ago, have forcibly been removed by me, the proud REAL owner of this Blog,……..and also the help of several burly police officers and army rangers, I couldn’t have done it on my own to be completely fair, they had guns and modern warfare tactics at their disposal, utterly invaluable things if you’re trying to extirpate a totally peaceful, yet millions-of-years more advanced species of Blog stealing aliens. So, yeah, I’m back. Special mention for Captain Jackson, the Australian Secret Ranger’s commanding officer, who very kindly let me keep his NASA designed laser rifle, the Alien Smasher!
My computer and computer monitor has some bright purple goo all over it, it was obviously some kind of residue left over from the aliens who took my Blog. The interesting thing, though……….this goo, has some extremely amazing qualities. Number one, I threw some of the goo in my rubbish bin, then several moments later, some scraps of chicken I’d thrown in their just before had reformed into a full grown chicken, and started clucking and doing chicken things. This goo can bring back the dead. Number two, the goo, applied on the forehead of a person, makes them psychic. I smeared some of that purple shit on my head, and I can now read thoughts, no biggie. And finally, number three of the amazing qualities this goo possesses is maybe the strangest – – when the goo is squeezed into a fountain pen and used as the ink, whatever you write down onto paper…..eventually becomes REAL! For example, I wrote down a totally random, seemingly innocent thing, this is what I wrote, “This goo sucks!” Then, almost immediately, the ink on the paper gained mass and shape and form and started sucking in things around it. My pen was sucked in, it sucked in my water bottle and my cup of tea, it didn’t stop sucking things in until all the ink I’d put down on the paper was all used up.
Think of the possibilities, people. This world-changing technology I will call ‘Purple Goo” all came from a terrible time of my life, a time when aliens took my Blog by force.
So, that is why you must always look on the bright side. Bad things now, might yield terrific things in the future.