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What Even Is Easter?


Ah Easter, that elusive day in early April, or perhaps late March, who the hell knows!?

Who decides what day Easter falls on? Which grand, old, traditional group of super secret guys and gals sits down every year and decides which arbitrary day Easter will fall on? I’d like to have a sit down and a chat with those people, pick their brains for a while.

Anyway, Easter is all about, as far as I can see, celebrating the death of a charismatic Jewish preacher who lived roughly 2000 years ago, this man is called J. Christ. He was a mighty man from the sounds of things, but he almost certainly was not the son of God, get over it, peeps!

From that, 2000 years later, we eat vast numbers of chocolate eggs and assorted sweet things. Is this the way J. Christ wanted his life’s work to be observed? If he did, then that’s pretty cool. But if he didn’t, then we’re all being VERY rude and disrespectful by stuffing our faces with confectionery which would’ve been only accessible in Jesus’s time by the ultra-elite rich, noble people – and not the common people, of which J. Christ was a proud member.

I once ate so much chocolate things one Easter when I was a young kid, that I threw up a LOT for a LONG time! That pretty much soured the deal of Easter chocolate treats for me. What I like to do now, during Easter, is remember the important things in life, things like material possessions, money, wealth, power, success and…oh wait……that’s not at all what the good man J. Christ championed.

What did Jesus want us to do? I’m not quite sure, I never read his book, I’ve heard it’s pretty popular, might have to give it a read some time. I hear those big pointy buildings hold book club readings of J. Christ’s famous book every Sunday. I’ll look into it.

Easter is a day, a holiday, that I have no business observing. I’m not a Christian, I don’t believe in Jesus’s divine power. So, what is there for me, and us people, to do on Easter? Help me?

Bye. 😉



2 thoughts on “What Even Is Easter?

  1. That’s a good chocolate bunny joke. The story of the date for Easter is a great story of science. Since Easter Sunday was set as the first Sunday after the first full moon of spring, the Church needed to improve the accuracy of their calendars. After a couple hundred years, Easter had moved. By Papal order, accurate astronomical measurements were required. Clerics such as Tyre Brah and Copernicus were commissioned. Otherwise we might still be in the Middle Ages, what with religious extremists, Shariah law, inquisitions, wars and the like.. Oops, sounds like today.

    Posted by Bumba | March 24, 2015, 11:30 pm

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