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Dear Maniac Person,

I was pulling into the ‘Sip ‘N Save’ bottle shop (liquor store), and yes, in Australia we have drive-thru liquor shops, just like McDonalds or whatever. I was armed with a piece of paper that had scribbled on it “1 x Stefanov Vodka, 2 x cheapest white wine they have“, this was a note given to me by a woman whose name shall not be said on here (Sasha, oh shit!)). A little bit of a celebration was in order in her life, and I obliged to drive down to get the drinks she and her friends wanted. I’m nice like that!

It was dark, as it was late at night, about 11:15pm. I turned left into the drive-thru area, and there YOU were, you very strange, maniac! You were seemingly part of a group of people, about 7 in number. Every member of that group looked decent and reasonable, but not you, Sir, or Madam, I’m still not sure what gender you were. You had a bright purple coat on, a shin length dress kind of thing, very long dreadlocks down to your belly-button, and socks and sandals on. To be quite honest, you looked a mess! I abhor when normal people dress in wacky ways just to show the world that they’re ‘different’ or ‘unique’, yuck!

So there you were, standing in a semi-hunched over stance, and there I was behind the wheel of my car, and then our eyes met….at least, I assume they did, you were also wearing preposterously huge black sunglasses……..at 11:15pm, yuck, again! You saw me, you approached my car, you pulled your purple coat over your head and face, then ‘popped’ up out of your shit upper-torso garment in a laudable attempt to either entertain me, or intimidate me, I’m not sure which.

I allowed this to continue for a few minutes as I was waiting for the car in front of me to finish being served, I could have honked my horn, I could’ve nudged the car forward slightly in first gear to scare you too, but I didn’t. I tried to avoid you and your antics as best I could, and it seemed to work.

You continued your bizarre behaviour again, you beat drum beats on the hood of my car and made strange facial expressions at me for a solid 20 seconds. Then I, for reasons I have no idea about, smiled crazily and menacingly at you, and did the old knife across the throat gesture right at you. That stopped you in your tracks. You immediately straightened up in posture and turned back to your group of people.

Now, I don’t know why I did this, it’s not like I have no sense of humor, I love to laugh. But something about the way you were doing your weird things didn’t strike me as an attempt at humor, it struck a primal nerve in me. I felt intimidated and challenged somehow.

I hope you got home safe, young man or woman. I wish you only the best in the inevitable psychiatric program you’ve undoubtedly been booked into.

Peace out, mother-effers! 😉

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