I was just joking – I was merely telling a humourous terminological inexactitude.
I love you – I’m telling you a thing that I don’t mean, but rather something I’ve been conditioned to feel obliged to say through media, movies and novels.
Tomorrow’s a new day – Tomorrow is a day. More specifically the day after this one.
Oh my God! You’re so funny! – Oh my God! I wish you’d shutup, you talk too much!
Let’s get drunk on the weekend – Let us poison our precious bodies with a liquid that will make us temporarily forget just how fucking awful life is!
I’m not racist…..but! – I am very racist.
I’m so hungry, let’s get KFC. – My body is telling my brain that I’ve gone a bit too long without food. Even though there are people living in the world who only have a small bowl of rice to live on each day!
Does my bum look big in this? – Ha! Poor man, I’m trapping you with a question which cannot be answered correctly or flatteringly.
We should go out for coffee some time this week – I want to have sex with you, very much so!
Do you like my new haircut? – You DO like my new haircut.
We should move in together – I have no idea what I’m thinking.
I love you, man, you’re like…..the best dude…..EVER! – Vodka level 9000!
I’m on this new diet – I shall be sneaking into fast food joints very stealthily in order to gorge on fries and milkshakes, only this time, I will try very hard to cover up my fatty food adventures.
I think we should name our daughter ‘Hope Springs’ – I would like a divorce but I’m too scared to say it outright.
Don’t do it, babe, she’s not worth it – FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
I could kill for a massage – I’m so tense, I have contemplated murdering an innocent person. I have an anger problem!
At this point, I’ve run out of every day sayings, feel free to add your own examples.
Peace out! 😉