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Dear Top Secret Spy Agencies – – I’m Available For an Interview

Hello super secret black trench-coated men,

If you’re reading this, and you most likely are, seeing as you’re reading everything we do online nowadays, I’d like to signal my interest in becoming one of your top agents. I am available for an interview at anytime, although you’d probably come to me if you really wanted me, I suppose. So, I shall be ready at all times for your arrival. I look forward to it, gents.

I’m young and fit, I am a very, VERY good liar, which hasn’t done me well in normal life, but if I was to become one of your agents, it’d be one of my top assets. I know how to drive all sorts of vehicles. And I’m willing to put my life on the line for secret, possibly shady causes. I’d jump in front of a Paraguayan informant and take the bullets, trust me.

This is the career change I’ve been excited about for a long time. I await your presence, recruiting agents. I am not willing to give out my phone number for you to see, but I trust you’ll be able get in touch with me through my IP address and whatever other computer hacking wizardry you get up to on a regular basis, such things you’ll eventually teach to me, I suppose.

Bye.

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