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Rooting Around In The Attic – You Never Know What You’ll Find

You’ll never guess what I’ve just found. I’ve been rooting around in my attic for a few hours, and among the old CDs, books, artworks, gold bars, ancient Wizard scepters and so on, I’ve actually found what I think may very well be an incredibly valuable antique item.

It’s a magazine. It’s a magazine, but it’s ancient. Fortunately it was sealed in a big bucket of honey. Honey, of course, never goes bad, and 2000 year old honey can still be eaten. So naturally, the magazine I’ve found is n perfect condition.

The name of this magazine? It’s called ‘Better Homes and Gardens’. It appears to be the very first edition ever published. The front cover shows a rather haggard looking Neanderthal female. She is pictured smiling as best she can with the 3 teeth remaining in her head, standing next to what looks like an ancient type of oven. God knows what she cooks in there, but it certainly isn’t Pineapple Upside-down cake!

Opening the magazine and having a leaf through it is quite interesting. There is a sizeable article that tells you all about how best to maintain and even grow your Stone-Age garden. Fences to outline your garden can be built out of cleanly shaven wooden sticks, or rough, knobbly wooden sticks for a more rustic look.

There’s even a great piece seemingly written by a female of the time, concerning how to keep your man interested and how to compete with other Neanderthal ladies. She describes in graphic detail, the sorts of torture techniques she inflicts on rival females, as well as outlining, in the same graphic detail, how she pleases her man in order to keep him around.

This was simply found when I was rooting around in my attic. It’s a terrible cliche, but you really never know what you’ll find!



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February 2015
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