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Recipe #17 (A Great Halloween Dish)

This dish is a real party pleaser. It’ll warm you up on a cold day, and it’ll cool you down on a hot day, it all depends how hot or cold you make it really…..obviously, ugh. It involves a great amount of blood, sweat and tears………and salt and sugar and all that shit!

Step 1: Take a dash of jealousy, add it to a thimbleful of anger.

2: Open a bottle of the most expensive wine you can buy (I don’t care you have to spend your last 80 dollars, just do it!) Drink half of it, then add the other half into the mixture of jealous anger.

3: Stir the mixture with the thigh bone of a unicorn, or for that extra added rudeness, use a leprechaun’s spinal cord if you like.

4: Give the mixture a taste, if it’s too spicy, spit it out onto the wall, if it’s too cold, spit it in the eyes of your neighbour, and say, “There you go, that’s a cure for your common cold, you’re welcome!” Then walk back into your house very self-righteously.

5: Add 12 tiny bottles made of sugar glass. Crush them up, then sprinkle into the mixture.

6: Cut your own fingertip, allow 4, and ONLY 4 drops of your own blood to mix into the bowl.

7: Scrape some plaque off of your right incisor tooth, add the plaque, not too much, it’s fucking potent stuff!

8: Sharpen a pencil, allow the shavings to drop into the bowl, mix them in.

9: Tear up your most favourite passages of the Bible, tear them up into tiny, tiny bits, add them to the bowl.

10: Add one kilogram of plane flour (flour made from ground up, powderized plane parts).

11: Stir the mixture with such vigour and passion and energy that you burst a vein in your forehead, put your spouting head into the bowl and allow the blood to pool, coagulate, and cook the mixture through bodily heat and enzymatic action………

…………….okay, at this point the recipe is finished and the dish is ready to be plated up…………..the only thing is, you’ll have died from blood loss, but don’t worry too much…………..your memory will live on for years……….you were someone brave enough to give their life for their art……well done.

Bye, the end.




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