Now that I’m retired, I feel as though I can tell you all about the squalid details about the line of work that we few unlucky, though some would say lucky, rats get drafted into.
When I began, I was a baby rat. My mother and father were quite senior test rats for the Guingamp Top Secret Experiments Organization. All sorts of strange and top secret experiments were carried out on my parents and other members of my family. Seventeen of our family were either killed or taken away and never seen again before my first birthday. This was the norm, and we knew not to complain, even though we wanted to, we would often squeak ourselves to sleep.
When I turned 1 and three quarter years old, I was taken from my parents and sectioned off in a separate part of the facility. Now, don’t get me wrong, we had more than comfortable living quarters. We had a comfortable bed, frequently fresh food and water, and the greatest spinning, running wheels you could possibly imagine. We lived in very nice sorts of arrangements, and none of us dared complain about anything even the least bit faulty. Not because we feared punishment by our superiors, but rather because we knew that all our other rat brethren on the “outside” could only dream of such opulent luxury.
Monday morning, after a long, happy night’s sleep, we wake by ourselves, if we do not wake by 6am, we are prodded awake by a gentle tip of a finger. We are given one hour of free-time. So form 6 to 7am, we frolic and play about, if we were really lucky, we’d be allowed to mix with other rats (mostly only happened if a group of rats was needed for an experiment). From 7 to 10am, we are put in “waiting” cubes. As the scientists and workers get all their stuff ready, we have to wait in a small room. We are given food and water, and certain activities to do if we wish – – think of it like a human dentist’s waiting room, it’s the same thing basically.
Then, at 10am, the action starts. We are guided into the experimentation chamber, and then quite simply, we are, experimented on. The tricky thing is this though……I can’t tell you about anything that was injected into me, fed to me or attached to me…..quite simply, because we are obviously never told what these substances are. All I can tell you is that certain substances made me feel VERY good, so good in fact that I neglected my food for a startlingly long time. Other substances made me feel sleepy, happy, alert, depressed, agitated, giggly, gassy, whatever the sensation, we’ve felt it at some point or another. The experimentation lasts for 4 hours, and we get to clock off and relax at 2pm. The rest of the day is easy and trouble free, we relax and occassionally get to gather together in large groups, when this happens we always chat about what sort of things we were feeling due to the experiments.
Now, this is a touchy, and often misunderstood subject. The subject of death, especially premature death among laboratory rats.
I for one, have never met any rat in this place that has gone on to die due to experimentation. The standards of living have improved drastically since my parent’s time here, and all the rats are treated wit the utmost care and attention. But there are some conspiracy theorist rats I’ve met who tell me all about how wrong I am on this matter. They say that literally hundreds of rats die every week in agonizing ways, and we are kept in the dark about this. I have my suspicions that he is making all of it up, but he and his group of friends have, in recent weeks, gained quite a substantial following.
The Rat’s Revolt:
That group of anarchist rats I talked about earlier have gained a majority of support in the rat community here. It’s just me and a few others who aren’t buying their nonsense. This group organized plans whenever they could get together in the same chamber. And boy did they plan some shit! A clever subterfuge rat by the name of “Le Ratte”, managed to sneak out of his quarters and into the rooms of the humans. He gathered vital information that would inevitably help the anarchists enact their revolt on the humans. On the morning of July 4th 2015, the plans for mutiny were finally put into action. A senior rat anarchist was being led to his experimentation chamber for the day, when he bit very hard down on the human’s hand. He didn’t let go, he rode that hand up and out of the entire complex. He jumped off the hand and down onto the cold, unforgiving human floor. He scurried off and managed to wriggle his way into an electronic panel on the wall. The humans were frantic, they looked and looked for this anarchist rat, bu they could not find him anywhere. Within this panel, the high-up rat nibbled through several wires and cables, this had the effect of shutting off the lights, the power, the electricity to the whole human building. The entire place went dark, and we all knew something big was about to happen.
Within mere minutes, the noise of hundreds, possibly thousands of angry rats filled the air. The squeaking was immense. I don’t know what happened after this, because not very long after this, the immense squeaking noise was totally silenced almost instantly. I don’t know what happened, but theories among the rats I’ve been hanging out with ever since are scarce to say the least.
When I turned 2 and a half years old, I was released. Not into the wild, but into a local pet store. Dare I say it, the pet store I was relocated to was even more luxurious than the testing facility. I loved every moment of living in that store. Then I was bought by a little girl called Molly. And ever since, and up to this present moment, I’ve been living in Molly’s house. It’s been a good life. A little bit on the mysterious side at certain times, but overall very nice and relatively stress free. Ooh, I have to go now….Molly is coming in the room to give me some fresh food and water….talk to you later.