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Stream Of Shit

The object here is to write without consciously thinking about what you’re going to write next, just write unthinkingly. It makes for some truly awful writing! Enjoy. 

I saw a man walking down the street, he has orange hair and purple skin, methinks he may be an alien, or perhaps a fucking madman, he had a packet of milk and a jar of cigars. Without thinking too hard, I approached him and asked him how his day was going. He replied in an odd way, he said, “Oooh, jjjjeeeerrr, waka waka you ist ein frankfurter!” I absorbed his message, and went on my way. The next day I heard on the news that a purple skinned man with a jar of cigars, was caught in a sex scandal with a squirrel. This shocked me, and I allowed myself a massive fart, this cleared my head, AND cleared the room. I was alone again, on account of my bowels, damn this flatulence, damn it to heck!

I ate a can of cheese, American style, fattening and tasty in equal measure. Sam Kinison videos on the internet make for some entertaining few minutes, all he does is fucking scream into the microphone, very little comedic substance, I’ll never know why he is so revered amongst quite a few very good comedians. Anyway, today a C-130 cargo plane dropped off a copy of Private Eye, I’m subscribed you see, and the plane knows this. This magazine is funny and insightful, much like a drunken man from Kazakhstan I once met onboard a spaceship. He was the pilot, so there was a bit of a problem, but I managed to push him, slumpingly, out of the pilot’s chair, and I piloted that spaceship safely down to Mars, where we all live in the future…….24 years into the future to be not exact.

Tonight I am booked to do an interview about the Second Napoleonic Wars, I know fuck all about this period, but I shall try to to my best to make up complete shit on the spot, just like your favourite politicians do. Toblerones are the triangular treat of the Gods, I like the Gods, oops, I mean, Toblerones.

That’s all I can write before I start to think about it too much, hope you could at least appreciate this style of writing, it’s not for everyone.

Ciao.

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