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The Nice Chef – Short Story

There is a man. He studied the cooking arts. He fried, sauteed and frizzled things with effortless ease. His dream of becoming a professional chef was realized the day he turned 21. Life was his oyster, and oysters were a specialty of his!

He revolutionized the way people cooked food. His style was initially inspired by the rustic qualities of Italian food mixed with the comfort and boldness of British food. Simple, tasty stuff to begin with. But as his career moved along swimmingly, he began to venture out into some very obscure and forgotten cooking styles.

The one cooking style he was drawn to most of all, was the cooking of the “Futurists”. Inspired by an Italian thinker called “Tomasi”, he cooked his first ever “Chicken de Fiat”, a whole chicken is roasted with a handful of ball-bearings stuffed inside.

His next Futurist dish was quite something. All the senses were to be used in the eating of this dish, not just the senses of taste and smell. The person is served a selection of cheeses, cured meats and pickled roots, these things are to be eaten with the left hand. The right hand, while the left hand is eating, is given a variety of textures to feel – sandpaper, velvet, satin and ice cold items. As all of this is happening, the music of Wagner is blasting in the background, and a fan is blowing room-temperature air into the eater’s face!

This man, was the talk of the town. He opened a high-class restaurant in Milan, Italy.

He utterly refused to serve pasta in his place. He became obsessed with the idea that pasta made Italians lethargic, lazy and apathetic. So, instead of pasta, he would serve risotto. Mussolini thought the same thing, he urged Italians to stop eating pasta for the same reason, strange coincidence, huh?

This man could do no wrong, he could do anything he wanted within the sphere of cooking.

But…………………..one day……………..in Milan…………….he went too far. Way too far!

The details are sketchy, but we can be pretty sure of the main facts……..

Basically, the bodily remains of an Italian supermodel were found in his kitchen in his restaurant. His response to the Milan police was staggering, he said, “I wanted to create the most beautiful tasting dish the world has ever seen, so I thought I’d use the most beautiful woman on Earth”.

He was very quickly thrown in jail, and he gained a solid reputation for bemoaning the lack of sophistication on the jail’s dinner menu.

The end.



One thought on “The Nice Chef – Short Story

  1. Reblogged this on SarcasticGoat and commented:

    Give it a read.
    I need feedback, thanks. 😉

    Posted by sarcasticgoat | October 27, 2014, 9:01 am

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