Facebook, in case you’ve never heard of it, is a website where people do nothing of interest whatsoever, not at any time do they do worthwhile things on Facebook, it’s a blue and white page of unending doom, devoid of any proper content and full of narcissistic human beings who are more infatuated with their own devastating good looks than they are with the thoughts and opinions of people who they’ve accepted as FRIENDS! Selfies, belfies and the ever dreaded Facebook Voodoo profile pictures (a phenomenon where not so good looking people take very imaginative pictures of themselves in order to make themselves look like they’re really good-looking), this is a website created by a Harvard student in the early 2000s. The sole reason this Zuckerberg character created Facebook, I’m positively sure, was to meet and fuck girls from other colleges and universities around the local New England area, and maybe beyond! Don’t deny that Facebook was originally invented as an early GPS for college sex, you’re life will be much better when you accept that fact!
Here is a list of things that would make Facebook much better, in my opinion.
1. The “like” button. We all know it, we all click on it from time to time. I think there should be a “dislike” button. This would let those people who post pathetically faux-inspirational statuses know exactly what most normal people think of them quoting the Dalai Lama or some other pointless entity. Enough “dislikes” and soon all the shitty statuses that make you go “Oh, God, how lame” would go away. They need to know they’re posting statuses of utter shite!
2. Pictures and the ability to post photos should be outlawed, maybe not permanently, but definitely for a certain amount of time. This would weed out the perverts, also it would weed out me! If Facebook was purely a text-based social media site, people would hopefully become a little bit more literate, and articulate. Leave the pictures and photos to Google Images, they seem to know what they’re doing.
3. ALL attention seeking statuses should be punishable by death! Okay, death is perhaps too harsh, but there definitely should be some sort of punishment for all those statuses that go something like this……
“So sick of life today. You never know when your life is gonna be turned upsidedown by someone or something you thought you loved”
A nice friend of the person who wrote the status above, will reply with a genuinely heartfelt….
“Aw, what’s wrong, hun? You need to talk? I’m always here for ya”
Then, the attention seeker in question has the temerity to respond with something along the lines of THIS SHIT……
“Oh nothing, I’m okay”
Attention seeking posts on Facebook should be able to be flagged, deleted, and the poster in question should have their account suspended for an unreasonably long time…………those bastards shit me right off!
4. Now for a possibly controversial point. I think Facebook should be unashamed about its original purpose as a sex-finding website, they should embrace that aspect of their nature, and just join together with Tinder! It would be called “FaceTinBookTer” and it would rule the cyberwaves of the internet. Twitter would not be able to compete anymore, and would eventually crumble into bluebird bone-dust! All other social media websites would be consigned to the dustbin rather quickly if “FaceTinBookTer” took off, like we all wish it would! But that does leave the conventionally unattractive people like me, would have rather a hard time on Facebook, but that’s okay. I’ve got Craigslist for all that stuff, eat shit Tinder!
There you go, 4 tips to make Facebook a shit tonne better!