The World Cup will finally finish tomorrow, and it will be 4 years until it flashes back into our lives. Almost instantly after the final whistle is blown tomorrow, the winner will be announced, I won’t give a shit who wins either, Germany or Argentina? Who gives a shit!? Except for a few million Argentinians and Germans, I suppose. I think Germany will win, but I don’t care! Even though I don’t care, I will immediately start feeling queasy and anxious and crampy and weird within a few hours of Germany lifting the Cup in their characteristic, unemotional, robotic German way that we all know and love.
This “man-period” will actually last for 4 years, until the next World Cup. But the worst of the symptoms will go away when the Premier League starts up again in a couple of months. The “man-tampon” I shall be using to ease these unpleasant symptoms is, of course, videotaped “best of” goals and highlights of the previous year’s soccer season.
This may come as a shock to some of you, but EVERY single soccer/football fan on Earth suffers from this exact thing. It probably explains why the typical American man will not accept soccer – – because they’re big ol’ tough manly men, who don’t want to own the fact that they will experience “periods” due to the season breaks. Come on, USAians, don’t be afraid, you have to OWN your bodies like every proud woman and soccer fan out there! You can do it.