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You’re Wrong, My Friend

What you saw was not a ghost, nor a being of pure energy. It wasn’t a spirit, it wasn’t a spectre. it wasn’t a poltergeist or evil demon thing. If you think you can hear dead people talk, you’re fucked in the head! Dead people are dead, they cannot talk. And if they could, they wouldn’t talk about stupid tiny little details of their still-living relatives’ houses, “Oh, Joanne is telling me that she always loved that painting of the Austrian courtyard, she’s telling me to tell you, you must keep that painting forever”. Huh? John Edward, you should be ashamed of your slimy self!  

No, moron. You cannot cure physical ailments with tiny little bottles of ludicrously diluted water. Those little bottles of homeopathic medicine…….are just that, WATER! Water’s great for you and you should drink a lot of it, but water on its own cannot cure colds or arthritis or cancer or AIDS.

You deny global warming, the 9/11 attacks and the Moon landing? Okay, you have every right to hold such silly views, but we/I have right to call you a dumbass for holding said views. The 9/11 attacks were perpetrated by 19 hardcore Islamic terrorists. The Moon Landing actually happened, it wasn’t filmed on a movie set in Nevada! And global warming/climate change I know is a tricky subject to fully wrap your head around, but you must accept the fact that the Earth’s climate is changing rapidly and suddenly – one day you will have to buy an electric car and throw away your useless big, loud American V8, it will be a sad day, I know, but it will come sooner rather than later.

Oh, so you believe that “everything happens for a reason”, yuck! No, nothing happens for any reason. This is a saccharine, lame phrase invented by boring, unlucky people in order to convince themselves that their lives actually have some divine, important value or purpose! Believe me, the sooner you people realize that life is hard, unfair, unlucky, shitty, finite and last but not least, cruel, the sooner you will start to actually enjoy life, and do fun things for their own sake, instead of constantly trying to find activities that will fit into your frankly pathetic “life plan” or “religion” as quite a few people call it.

This has been my contribution to the 13th of July, 2014 annual “Seriously Negative Post Competition”. This year, with this post, surely I’m a shoe-in for the Gold Trophy! YES! 






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