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“Soccer Is So Gay”

We football lovers have to put up with anti-soccer goons on the internet and perhaps in real life. – – and I know that the internet technically is real life too, but I’m not gonna correct that mistake, just to be a bit of a Hipster. 

If you do not like soccer, that’s fine. But you shouldn’t feel the need to proclaim your dislike of a sport that billions of people enjoy, and a sport that thousands enjoy going to watch in the stadium, then start fighting because the red team scored against their beloved blues!

I don’t like basketball. I don’t talk about it, unless some incredibly intrusive journalist questions me on a “progressive” liberal type talk show, and I divulge my dislike of basketball just to get into the pants of the smoking hot journalist (this is a fantasy I have just invented, and it’s fucking working for me!). The reasons I don’t like basketball? Okay. The noises that their shoes make on the court is probably the most irritating noise on Earth, even more irritating than walking your racist Nan around a busy shop! Second reason, it’s hideously monotonous! One guy scores a “net” or some shit, then they run down the other end of the court and then another guy scores. It’s like watching tennis, with your head going up and down and from left to right – at least with tennis, you get some sexy groans from the female players, instead of basketball fucking shoes squeaking. I thought I had more reasons I don’t like basketball, turns out I don’t.

Soccer (football) is a sport, basketball is a sport, they are two sports among literally maybe 14 sports that exist. Let’s not hate on sports – unless you were raped by a soccer referee at the institute of sport, then you have a reason to hate soccer, but if that didn’t happen to you, and I’m quite sure it didn’t, then don’t talk about how much soccer apparently sucks ass. It doesn’t, shaddap!




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