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Dear Mystery Guy

The title makes me sound like a hopeless romantic gay guy, but I’m not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay – it seems preferable in many ways. Think about it…..two men! Two men, raging with sex hormones, no woman in the mix to say “no” “headache” “blurgh”. Being a gay guy must be fucking awesome! No wonder they seem so happy all the time…..maybe that’s why they adopted the word “gay” (meaning very happy). Yep, that must be it!  

Anyway, this post is about a guy who wanted to buy my Mitsubishi Magna after answering an ad I put up on a local message-board. Our short-lived relationship via text message ended in strained hostility and disappointment. Quite honestly, my car was not ready to be sold. It needed a new battery and it needed to be registered and then cleaned damn thoroughly. This mystery guy seemed very keen indeed. I was not comfortable with him having to pay for the rego and battery as well as the car, because I’m a super sweet nice chap. He even explained to me that he needed the car ASAP! He needed it TODAY! I simply couldn’t comply, as much as I wanted to comply. This brief conversation we had, via text message, was short and initially very cordial and understanding. But the last two texts we sent each other were the most awkward and cringeworthy social interactions I’ve ever had to endure.

I told the guy that it would take me AT LEAST 2 weeks to get the money together to be able to register the car AND get the new battery. He explained to me that he couldn’t wait that long, he needed the car ASAP (as I said he said earlier). It’s such a strange sensation when you realize that you are fully able to discern emotion and feeling through seemingly emotionless text messages. But I could FEEL this guy’s emotion, I’m telling ya! I could tell he was desperate. I could tell he was in REAL NEED of a car. It doesn’t fully make sense to me, the whole being able to feel people’s emotions through a text message, but Jesus Christ!, I felt this guy’s pain.

The guy hasn’t texted me back. And I don’t think he ever will. This situation is fully my fault, I take complete and utter responsibility for this thing. That car was in no shape to be advertised in a busy shopping centre. Listen, mystery guy. I know you’re not reading this and almost certainly never will, but I apologize with every sinewy, sissy fiber of my heart muscle. I am very sorry. I’m not a very emotional man, but honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so shitty in my life. Sorry, mate. I wish you the very best of luck finding another car. I’m sure you’ll find something better than my shitty Mitsubitty! I just needed to get this off my chest, I’ve been depressed all day about it. SHIT!




4 thoughts on “Dear Mystery Guy

  1. sorry but i really needed that car.

    Posted by john hauge | July 10, 2014, 5:07 pm

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