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I Have No Friends

That’s right, boys and boyettes. I have no, what you normal people would call, friends. I occassionally go to an acquaintances’ house to play video-games, and that’s IT! We don’t hang out in any other situation at all. He’s a nice guy. I’m not really sure actually, if he’s a nice guy to be honest, because I only know his demeanour and character in one specific situation – which is sitting down on a couch, beating my arse at FIFA 14! He might be a complete shithead when he’s in a club or supermarket or something, grinding up against girls’ buttockal areas, right next to the watermelon display! 

Obviously, this is not ideal, especially in the long term. I would like to have activities to do with people simply in order to fill out the week. Sitting at home all day, spasmodically going out to buy the essentials (cigarettes and booze), sometimes I will drive for a few hours all over the city/hills with no specific destination, I’ve always done this to be honest, friends or no friends. 

Loneliness is something I’ve always felt comfortable with. Having no true friends, as many people would think would be awful, has it’s perks though. No wasted money on nightclubby, filthy drinks! 12 dollars for a thimble of vodka covered in liquefied cotton candy, yuck! Also, having so much spare time on your hand without friends, is stupendously nice. Not having to keep track of all your friends secrets and stories is immensely relieving too. “Why did you tell Cheryl that I had sex with Edward?” Sorry, I thought you were Sharon, and I got your secret mixed up with Cherise’s, ooops, I mean Cheryl’s secret.  

If anybody reading this is currently going through a phase of their life where they’re finding the friends count very skint, it’s okay. Trust me, engulf yourself in the lonely life. It’s not the pit of despair that many would have you believe it is.

Bye, friends.  





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