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This Will Help You Quit Smoking

If you’re having a hard time quitting those pesky cigarettes, then here’s a foolproof (not foolproof) way to help you quit.

What you must do is befriend an insane, yet friendly hippie. They will hang around you, scrounge off you and just generally make your life a living hell. But it’s all worth it. It’s all worth it!

What you will start to realize as you light up cigarette after cigarette in front of your new hippie friend, is that they will lecture you and possibly berate you for lighting plant matter on fire and then sucking down the plant matter’s spirit/essence into your dirty, black lungs.

This will initially be very, very boring and tedious to put up with. But as the weeks go on and your hippie friend says time and time again, “I can’t believe you would do that to one of Mother Earth’s creations! You’re burning the essence of the tobacco plant and soiling your lungs with its precious life energy“.

Trust me, after a month or two of having this creep around, telling you stories of how he once made love to a sunflower, or how he saved a spider’s life by leaping in front of the insect-spray nozzle –  you’ll start to crave the cigarettes less and less, and eventually you’ll need them no more, and as the final cherry on the icing, you can kick that damn hippie out of your house!

You’re welcome.

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