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Car Alarms!


Car alarms may very well be the worst invention in the world, ever! Well, maybe not the “worst”, but they certainly haven’t worked out the way that the inventor of them probably intended. What do I mean? I’m not quite sure myself, I’m a little bit sloshed at the moment. Sloshed, squiffy, three sheets to the wind, pissed, arseholed…….drunk, basically. 

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, car alarms. If you live in a densely populated suburb and you hear a car alarm, the first thought that pops into your head isn’t, “Oh my God, I think someone’s trying to steal a car! I should do something”. Instead, the first thought arrives to you is, “SHUT UP. We’re trying to sleep. Turn your fuckin’ alarm off”!

Car alarms may work very well in a less populated area, I’m thinking Mars, or Tasmania. But in a suburb/city where everyone is jammed on top of each other and crammed next to their neighbours, car alarms have become the definition of “useless technology”, even more useless than a George Formby grill – the George Formby grill was like the George Foreman grill, except that the Formby one kept the fat in, and was shipped to your door with extra bags of fat, truly useless.

I know that modern vehicle safety technology is incredibly advanced and I also know that many car manufacturers may do customized car alarms that can tell, as if by magic, whether you’ve accidentally tripped the alarm, or if your car is genuinely beginning the process of being taken away by nasty people.

In conclusion, whenever you hear a car alarm, do try to find out whether it’s a genuine theft. At the very worst, it will be a genuine theft, in which case you run away and call the police with the license number. Or, best case scenario, it will be an accidental alarm incident, in which case you might meet a new friend! Yippee!    



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