Episode 2: The Appendix
Man: Okay, now that I know that my internal organ-translation device works quite well, I think it’s time to see what some of my other organs have to say. My liver was very frank and forthcoming, and I hope the other organs will be as truthful and friendly.
*places translation machine over abdomen*
Come on down…..Stomach!
*gurgling, hissing noises*
Appendix: Hello, hello? Is that you Mr. Owner?
Man: Yes, it’s me. Who might I be speaking to?
Appendix: Uhm, it’s me. Your most insignificant, least important, least used organ. Little old me.
Man: My tiny penis?
Appendix: No, your appendix.
Man: Oh, *laughs* my appendix. How are you? Please don’t tell my penis I said that.
Appendix: I won’t. So, what would you like to know?
Man: Well, I guess, what’s it like being an appendix?
Appendix: It’s the most boring job in the world. It’s so bloody boring, that occassionally, some of us get so bored, we explode!
Man: Oh my God! I hope you don’t explode inside me.
Appendix: Can’t make any promises, mate. But I’ll try to keep myself intact. You seem like a nice guy.
Man: Thank you very much. So, what do you actually do in there?
Appendix: Absolutely nothing! Very rarely, a bit of foreign substance will come my way and I’ll think, “Oh, hello. Now’s my time to shine”. But before I’ve said that, scary gangs of white blood cells surround the area and spray this neutralizing foam all over the place. I haven’t done a single thing with my life since you accidentally ate that grass when you fell off your bike when you were a kid!
Man: Well, thank you very much for your time, Appendix. I should move on to my other organs now, but I’ll keep in touch with you, okay? Bye.
Appendix: Yeah, see you later. I’m not much of a conversationalist anyway. I’ll just stay here and uhhmm, secure this area, shall I?
Man: Yes, that would be great. Cheerio.
Appendix: *mutters under breath* What a bastard. Doesn’t want to talk to me? I’ll show him who’s boss.
Man: Did you say something, Mr. Appendix?
Appendix: Me? No, nothing. *mutters even quieter* Tick-tock, tick-tock!