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Jobs Are Bullshit!


Two guys doing their jobs! Smiles all round!

As I’m writing this, I’m looking for another job on all the relevant job-seeker sites. The sites themselves are all perfectly good and well, but since I have very little experience in any field, I’m finding the opportunities very limiting. For example, there is one job opening I am looking at right now. It says, We are looking for a grape picker with a MINIMUM OF 2 YEARS EXPERIENCE!” I think that if you can’t master the art of picking grapes within ONE year, then you’ll never pick up that skill! 


“I’m graduating in a few months and I’m surely going to get a cushy job. All I had to do was dress like a transsexual lumberjack for three years!”

I never ended up going to University, which I grant you, was probably a mistake. But, what I lack in book-smarts and Hipster-grade pretentiousness, I make up for it in other ways. For example, I can memorize things very easily, mainly because I play in a fantasy soccer league and I need to know how well player “X” is defending and how many tackles he’s made in the season. The second thing I have that old Billy-Tight Jeans-Hipster-McGee doesn’t have is a certain level of “life experience”. I know, “life experience” sounds like the sort of thing that a very stupid, uneducated person says who makes a shitload of money digging coal out of a hole in the Earth – but University students, fresh out from graduation don’t have anywhere near the level of “life experience”……*shudder*……..as non-University students who have to work full-time just to buy their next bottle of Whiskey. I’m not denigrating Universities at all here, I’m just saying that while you where in class reading War and Peace, I was kindly asking a very drunk lady to quietly leave the supermarket!


Don’t hire this guy!


Hire this clever guy!

All I’m trying to say, employers, is don’t be afraid to hire someone who hasn’t spent three years of their life at some prestigious University institution getting drunk and trying to spread their seed around to as many mates as physically possible. Because I have far more experience in doing that! Hire me!



2 thoughts on “Jobs Are Bullshit!

  1. I’d hire you in a heartbeat : )

    Posted by Kristin Maack | October 9, 2013, 2:30 pm

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