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Any Takers?

For Sale – 1983 Toyota Corolla KE70, Manual 5spd, 4k-c engine.

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This car is a beautiful little piece of engineering. Ideal for a new young driver, or an old granny. And no one else, really. The interior is a mix of minimalist and absurdist Dada art of the 1920s. The exterior is reminiscent of a beige tissue box with four Maltesers under each corner. Just looking at this car will enlighten your artsy mind AND make you hungry for chocolaty balls at the same time!

The engine under the hood of this sexy minx, is a 4 cylinder, several kilowatt beauty. It lacks the power even to win against a 90 year old man on a motorized cart. But, it makes the most awe inspiring noise when it is revved to the limit. And you’ll need to rev it to the limit if you want to do a hill-start(without the hill part). Fuel economy is quite literally…….very good indeed! The fuel tank takes a large number of liters, and you could possibly achieve 800-900 kilometers on a full tank of petroleum distillate. The key to this economy is responsible, slow and careful driving. I can’t tell you what driving like that feels like, because I’m a bit of a cool dude.

The car is stock, except for the parts that aren’t. And the Owner’s Manual is a cracking read. I’ll chuck that in for no extra cost, probably. In all honesty, the steering wheel is aftermarket, the wheels are aftermarket, the spark plugs were also bought from a dealer on Hindley Street. Everything is 103% legal, trust me. That extra 3% was granted by an innumerate policeman who claimed to have clocked me going 702km/h in a 38km/h zone!

The ash-tray is also excellent. It’s wide and deep and just perfect for any other nicotine addict who might buy it. The stereo is sensational, too. It plays CD’s very loudly and radio stations are easily found by twiddling a knob.

The suspension, I’m not going to lie, is quite firm. If you drive on a bumpy, rocky road, your spine will be bashed around and it may start to sound like your back is playing a xylophone. So avoid those types of roads, ok! The suspension is firm, but ultimately rewarding if you like the act of proper driving. Because the car is so light, and because of the lack of power steering, and also because of the firm suspension, the car is insanely fun to drive. Honestly, people in other cars will be looking at you in a strange way, because you’ll have a stupid bloody grin on your face.

If you’re interested in purchasing this marvel of faceless Japanese conglomerate technology, leave a message. Don’t ring me, just message me. I never answer my phone because certain people are after me and want to hurt me(possibly the head honchos at Toyota).

OK, bye bye!

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