Chapter 2: Quality of Life
Hackham West affords a quite staggering quality of life. Quantity of life it cannot guarantee, sadly. A working television and internet connection really is required if you want to not die prematurely of boredom. I spoke to an elderly woman by the name of Mrs. Elle Derly. She told me that without her T.V. and Facebook musings, she’d have died a long time ago. I took her word for it and ran the hell out of her house just before she was about to introduce me to her stuffed cat. See, a very interesting suburb!
Boredom is the worst thing about living in Hackham West. You see, the most interesting people are either the elderly crazy people, or the hardcore addicts who are all too busy punching trees dressed as Wonder Woman. So, you very much have to make your own fun in Hackham West. Making your own fun in such a suburb is a little bit of a tricky thing to do without breaking the law. But, I think I’ve come up with a foolproof way to enjoy yourself in this glorious suburb.
First of all, you need a good level of cardiovascular fitness and a sense of adventure. Secondly, you’ll need a flashlight, and possibly some of that Repel-O-Dog spray that Batman invented. Now that you’re all geared up and ready to go, you simply do the following to make your own fun…………………..sit down, have a Coke, unbutton your trousers and play online video games for the next ten hours!
Sorry Hackham West, I tried, I just can’t find anything especially redeeming about you!
The next chapter in this guide could possibly be EVEN MORE dour. Stay tuned!