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Need money? I’ve got your answer.

Whenever you find yourself short on money, don’t go out and get a loan, don’t ask for money from relatives or friends, don’t sell your body, don’t do any of the normal things you’d think of to raise a bit more money. What you need to do is very simple. You need to get yourself a nice bottle of wine or spirits, whichever you can afford, and have a very relaxed evening. You should drink the stuff, then get on to Youtube and watch self-improvement videos. Tony Robbins, The Secret, and all those inspirational people. Their videos will definitely have an effect on you. You will almost instantly begin to LOATHE these charlatans. Your mental processes will be slightly enhanced by the alcohol, and so you’ll be able pick apart every little thing that these self-help speakers throw out onto their glossy eyed audiences. You’ll begin to feel immense anger because of the fact that these people are rich beyond belief, even though they don’ say anything that means anything. The alcohol will now be acting strongly on you, you’ll become adventurous and daring. You’ll begin to devise a business plan to go toe-to-toe with self-help gurus. This business will skyrocket as soon you begin to meet more and more people who were also short on money and turned to self-help gurus. This business will rival Microsoft for annual profit eventually, and Bill Gates will turn to YOU for self-help advice. But you’ll say “No. Self-help is a lie and a scam, that’s what my whole company is based on, Bill”.

 Anyway, I’m short of money at this present time. I’ve gone out and bought the cheapest bottle of Vodka I could find. I’ve just got home and I’ve booted up the old Youtube machine in front of me right now, and I’m about to watch an incredibly long playlist of self-help videos!

 Wish me luck, if anything I’ve written above makes any sense at all, it means I’ll be rich, rich, rich in a few short years.

 Name of my upcoming company? Well, how about “Tony Robbins Can Piss Off Pty Ltd”.

 Bye bye.



4 thoughts on “Need money? I’ve got your answer.

  1. Too funny! Let me know how it goes….

    Posted by susielindau | September 8, 2013, 5:52 pm
  2. Reblogged this on Xuyen V Tram.

    Posted by Xuyen Tram | October 2, 2013, 1:04 am

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