note. Please read this in the voice of a small child doing show and tell. It will make it a lot funnier, hopefully.
Yesterday I did a lot of things. I woke up at about lunchtime and said “Happy Fathers Day” to my daddy. I got him a funny card and some lottery tickets. He was happy. He said “thank you very much”. Then I was happy, because he said he liked all the stuff.
Then a few hours later, I got a call from my friend. He said, “would you like to come over to my house to play some video games?” I said “yes, I want to do that very much”. We played some video games together, it was very fun. We played a soccer game on the Xbox and I played well and I think all the lads gave 110 percent. We came and we played well and we went away with the vital 3 points we needed.
After the video games, I got in my car and drove home. But my car had a small amount of petrol, so I filled it back up again, and also bought some cigarettes with the left over money. As I was driving home, I got pulled over by a policeman. He said “Hello young man, have you had anything to drink tonight?” I said “no” and then drove off. I think the policeman must have been in a lonely mood, because as soon as I drove off, he started to chase me. I didn’t have time to play chasey chase, so I ran the red lights, drove up onto the sidewalk and got home safe and sound. My car had a few nasty bruises, though.
When I got home, I took my trench coat off and lit up a cigarette. My mummy was not pleased at all. She said, “Jimmy! What have I told you about leaving your trench coat on the floor? Put it on the coat rack”. Then I put it on the coat rack, and I blew smoke in her face as I walked over to the fridge. My mummy coughed for a few minutes and then asked me if I wanted my milk warmed up, and I said “yes please”. She warmed it up and gave it to me. I drank all of it and even poured some whisky into the milk. I like when I trick mummy like that. After my milk she put me to bed because she thought I was tired. I wasn’t tired, I was just really really drunk.
I passed out and had a good night’s sleep. That was what I did yesterday. I hope you all enjoyed my show and tell. My name’s Jimmy, and I’ll cut you up if you tell anyone about the police chase I was in. Got it! Good.
Thank you for listening.
p.s. If your mummies or daddies are running low on crack, I’ll give them my locker combination. My crack-locker has an honesty system of payment. If you take some crack, please leave a bit of money in there.