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Facebook. The best cure for happiness in the world!




Whenever you’re in a very good mood, get your arse over onto Facebook, and within several seconds, you can actually feel the happiness drain from your brain, dribble down your back, and make your pants feel wet with despair!


The age of uniqueness is coming to an end, ladies and gentledudes.


If you live in a Western country, if you speak English as your first or second language, if you have a reasonably comfortable living, you will undoubtedly be plugged into social media/networking of some sort or another. Twitter and Facebook are the two big players in this game. A game that is marketed as being harmless fun and just a little luxury in life that encourages friendship and genuine communicational enjoyment. It is not like that. It is NOT like that, at all.


First of all, you join up to whichever social media site you wish, for the vast majority of sad fools, it will be Facebook or Twitter, or both! Joining up is very, very easy – because they WANT you to join, they want you to become a piece in their nutty puzzle. Facebook, for example, sends out “friend requests” to ALL of your e-mail contacts. This is the FIRST thing Facebook does to you, and it’s a terrible idea, possibly a very dangerous idea(sending a friend request to your most hated enemies whose contacts you still have). After Facebook bombards helpless people with your pathetically pleading friend requests, it asks you to create a profile which will be completely your own. Facebook keeps your profile on record forever, so it’s not just your own, it’s Facebook’s own too!


I’ll be honest here; I’m only going to be talking about Facebook from now on, because I’ve no experience with Twitter or any others, because Facebook has taken over my life in a way that not even my nicotine addiction can rival.


If you don’t have many friends in real life, you won’t be fixing that with Facebook. Popular people with a multitude of friends will have many hundreds, possibly thousands of Facebook friends. Shy, recluses like me, have less than one hundred. If people like me have more than 100 Facebook friends, it means that they have spent several days clicking “add friend” on everybody’s page they

can find. And that’s such a pathetic thing, I’m actually starting to cry. I wrote a letter to Mark Zuckerburg’s(creator of Facebook) people, and I suggested the tagline for Facebook should be “Facebook, where narcissists come to be themselves!” No reply was given to me, and I know Mark Zuckerburg himself, was deeply hurt by my jibe, because my suggestion was deleted from the page

it was posted on.


That’s the thing about “Facey”, as it is affectionately called, by pricks! It makes you care about things and people you usually wouldn’t give a flying Facebook about. I don’t like sick dogs, but when someone posts pictures of one and morally blackmails me to care about it, I can’t help but press the “like” button, and waste precious time and calories worrying about this canine with a cold.



People like to think that they are unique and special. But on Facebook, the stark truth comes to light. On Facebook, and therefore to a large extent in real life; people slot very snugly into a few certain groups. There is “The funny-persons”, “The serious”,  “The Bullies”, and finally the “Vacuous Sexies”. The Bullies are a genuine menace, and they shouldn’t be tolerated by anybody at

anytime. That’s all I can really say about the Bullies. The Serious are an interesting group. They are refreshing in a way, because they don’t even try to be funny. But the content of their posts and statuses are so dour, they make you want to jump from a very tall tree! The Funny-persons are perhaps the most annoying group, because very rarely are they truly funny. This group tends

to rely on posting jokes they find on joke websites or even worse, their own relentless attempts at tiring observational humour. The Vacuous Sexies are the most interesting group. They are very physically attractive and immensely popular. They don’t offer anything new or intriguing to Facebook, but they do post pictures of themselves, often on beaches! They are the most perfect

example of the shallowness of human beings. No one cares what they say or do, but they can’t help but “like” everything they post on Facebook because somewhere deep within their primal monkey brains, they hope that “liking” a post will get them some sex with the Vacuous Sexy in question.


So, enjoy your social networking, if you can. 




Satan and 26 other people like this

Like     Comment     Share                                   Posted on 11:30pm June 22nd




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